Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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