dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
