Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
