Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize