Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
