The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
