we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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