chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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