she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
