My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
