i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
