I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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