Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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