I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
