Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
