Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
