fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
