help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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