i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need water and some morals
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
