The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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