i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
