we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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