The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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