We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
