I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
