I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
