Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As shirtless as possible
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
