The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
