So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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