I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's shark week go big or go home
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
