He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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