Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
