He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
