i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
