I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
