so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
