I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
