And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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