those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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