Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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