I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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