I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
