at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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