It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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