Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
