I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
