I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
