ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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