Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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