3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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